Recently I came across an incident that is somehow questioning the very foundations of my adult existence—my perception of the difference between ‘Right’ and ‘Wrong’.
The incident goes something like this. This Mr. Gentleman works in one of the well established, very successful IT firms running their operations in India. He is young and dynamic and because of his excellent professional qualities, holds crucial position in the firm. He manages a team of 25 other young and dynamic software engineers and has been held as a model employee and manager in his firm. He is married for 3 years now and had a beautiful daughter last year. It was this successful, almost envious life this gentleman was living, that made it all the more surprising for his colleagues when he was accused of sexual harassment by one of his subordinates.
A girl from his team has claimed that he has attempted to touch her during some late night stays in office and has threatened her of dire consequences if she doesn’t agree to sleep with him.
Without trying to jump to any conclusions here, I want to admit that whatever may the truth be and whatever may be his reasons to do what he did/her reasons to say what she said; nevertheless this report stirred me as if someone had just made me eat a spoonful of wasabi.
After fuming for a day, when the maddening effect was subsiding, I found Sanjog spiking with an interesting question—‘Why didn’t you ever do it!’ That was a new thought for my Gandhi-style-puritan and principle-stricken friend Sanjog. But I concede that the question was interesting enough to deserve a probe.
I had been a manager myself for sometime and had 2-3 female colleagues in my team at different times—and now when I think of them from ‘this’ angle—I do find them not entirely undesirable. And at this moment I get the answer to the question Sanjog has just asked me—“Why didn’t you ever do it!” As soon as I pictured my female ex-colleagues, and saw them from ‘this’ angle, it filled me with an utter, self-loathing disgust. Those were the girls I had worked with for years; I had groomed them, almost protectively, like my younger siblings. They had shared more than half of their life in those years with me—how could I even imagine betraying the trust I was entrusted with by those tender hearts?
But that’s just me, may be our Mr. Gentleman is a different person—with a different set of yardsticks.
I thought I had done sufficient explaining when Sanjog pops a new question—“Is your set of yardsticks better than his?”
Without a second doubt, the first instinct was to say “Of course”. But I knew Sanjog all too well to know that if the answer was that obvious, he wouldn’t have asked it in the first place. How on earth can he possibly think that in some perspective, Mr. Gentleman’s yardsticks can in fact be better than mine, or equally bad…or equally good?
“Let’s put the obvious to test.” He said reading my mind. “Now you think”, he almost shoved his super philosophy into me.
So I think. Not really knowing where to start, I pictured Mr. Gentleman—he was smiling; then I pictured myself—I wasn’t smiling. I realized that I really don’t smile that often. Despite equipped with all the ‘good’ yardsticks, I still fail to find sufficient reasons to smile in my life. Irrespective of whether Mr. Gentleman smiles more than me or not, my yardsticks are obviously not ‘good’ enough if it can’t give me the peace of mind that every human yearns for. I realize that Mr. Gentleman, in all probability, CAN actually smile more often than me—at least until he was caught. Does it mean that the principles you so strongly and desperately hold on to in life like a lone log floating in an ocean, actually have no relation whatsoever with how comfortable your life journey is going to be?
I also realize that once proven guilty, Mr. Gentleman’s life will be totally miserable. His misery will come from the fact that the society, including his family, might desert him and see him with suspicious, accusing eyes for the rest of his life, and accompanying guilt. I will never be in that situation. Does that fact alone makes my yardsticks better than his, and if so—Is the sense of ‘Right’ and ‘Wrong’ solely determined by what the society can and can not accept? Is there no ‘absolute’ reason that makes me a better human than him!!!
My sense of ‘Right’ and ‘Wrong’ was suspended in space like a moon stuck between the two equally strong centrifugal and centripetal forces of The Relativism and The Absolute, and it only created The Chaos.
“Do you want to think more?” Sanjog asked. No, I was tired and confused. I needed to sleep.
“So what are you doing here then, how can you make yourself do something you are not ready for? Use your ‘good’ yardsticks on yourself as well, respect yourself as well…you just might find that peace of mind you are so desperately searching for.” And he dissolved into the darkness of the night.
In the morning, I found a note from Sanjog—
“Your yardsticks are better. I’ve no objective reasoning (that you love so much) to show you this, but I think a deed is ‘Wrong’ if it causes someone to do what he or she doesn’t really want to—and that, my friend, is Absolute. And I also think the ‘Right’ principles can give you the real smile only if you have the courage to apply them to everyone, including yourself.”
The incident goes something like this. This Mr. Gentleman works in one of the well established, very successful IT firms running their operations in India. He is young and dynamic and because of his excellent professional qualities, holds crucial position in the firm. He manages a team of 25 other young and dynamic software engineers and has been held as a model employee and manager in his firm. He is married for 3 years now and had a beautiful daughter last year. It was this successful, almost envious life this gentleman was living, that made it all the more surprising for his colleagues when he was accused of sexual harassment by one of his subordinates.
A girl from his team has claimed that he has attempted to touch her during some late night stays in office and has threatened her of dire consequences if she doesn’t agree to sleep with him.
Without trying to jump to any conclusions here, I want to admit that whatever may the truth be and whatever may be his reasons to do what he did/her reasons to say what she said; nevertheless this report stirred me as if someone had just made me eat a spoonful of wasabi.
After fuming for a day, when the maddening effect was subsiding, I found Sanjog spiking with an interesting question—‘Why didn’t you ever do it!’ That was a new thought for my Gandhi-style-puritan and principle-stricken friend Sanjog. But I concede that the question was interesting enough to deserve a probe.
I had been a manager myself for sometime and had 2-3 female colleagues in my team at different times—and now when I think of them from ‘this’ angle—I do find them not entirely undesirable. And at this moment I get the answer to the question Sanjog has just asked me—“Why didn’t you ever do it!” As soon as I pictured my female ex-colleagues, and saw them from ‘this’ angle, it filled me with an utter, self-loathing disgust. Those were the girls I had worked with for years; I had groomed them, almost protectively, like my younger siblings. They had shared more than half of their life in those years with me—how could I even imagine betraying the trust I was entrusted with by those tender hearts?
But that’s just me, may be our Mr. Gentleman is a different person—with a different set of yardsticks.
I thought I had done sufficient explaining when Sanjog pops a new question—“Is your set of yardsticks better than his?”
Without a second doubt, the first instinct was to say “Of course”. But I knew Sanjog all too well to know that if the answer was that obvious, he wouldn’t have asked it in the first place. How on earth can he possibly think that in some perspective, Mr. Gentleman’s yardsticks can in fact be better than mine, or equally bad…or equally good?
“Let’s put the obvious to test.” He said reading my mind. “Now you think”, he almost shoved his super philosophy into me.
So I think. Not really knowing where to start, I pictured Mr. Gentleman—he was smiling; then I pictured myself—I wasn’t smiling. I realized that I really don’t smile that often. Despite equipped with all the ‘good’ yardsticks, I still fail to find sufficient reasons to smile in my life. Irrespective of whether Mr. Gentleman smiles more than me or not, my yardsticks are obviously not ‘good’ enough if it can’t give me the peace of mind that every human yearns for. I realize that Mr. Gentleman, in all probability, CAN actually smile more often than me—at least until he was caught. Does it mean that the principles you so strongly and desperately hold on to in life like a lone log floating in an ocean, actually have no relation whatsoever with how comfortable your life journey is going to be?
I also realize that once proven guilty, Mr. Gentleman’s life will be totally miserable. His misery will come from the fact that the society, including his family, might desert him and see him with suspicious, accusing eyes for the rest of his life, and accompanying guilt. I will never be in that situation. Does that fact alone makes my yardsticks better than his, and if so—Is the sense of ‘Right’ and ‘Wrong’ solely determined by what the society can and can not accept? Is there no ‘absolute’ reason that makes me a better human than him!!!
My sense of ‘Right’ and ‘Wrong’ was suspended in space like a moon stuck between the two equally strong centrifugal and centripetal forces of The Relativism and The Absolute, and it only created The Chaos.
“Do you want to think more?” Sanjog asked. No, I was tired and confused. I needed to sleep.
“So what are you doing here then, how can you make yourself do something you are not ready for? Use your ‘good’ yardsticks on yourself as well, respect yourself as well…you just might find that peace of mind you are so desperately searching for.” And he dissolved into the darkness of the night.
In the morning, I found a note from Sanjog—
“Your yardsticks are better. I’ve no objective reasoning (that you love so much) to show you this, but I think a deed is ‘Wrong’ if it causes someone to do what he or she doesn’t really want to—and that, my friend, is Absolute. And I also think the ‘Right’ principles can give you the real smile only if you have the courage to apply them to everyone, including yourself.”
1 comment:
The Blog reminds me the movie "MATCH POINT" ;)
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